PruCan - Revisited
by Rae'vyn Phiar
Summary: Gilbert wants to take Matthew as a moral support sort of person as he visits his former home, when he was an established country. What comes next is an emotional rollercoaster. Multiple chapters now! Thanks for reading, reviewing, faving, and following! Rated M for SOME YAOI BUT MOSTLY A LOT OF PSTD AND TRIGGERING IMAGERY AND EMOTIONS!
1. Chapter 1

_I wanted to explore the possibility of Gilbert going back to his former home and having memories and such. It would be a fun piece, if not a bit heartbreaking because triggers and PTSD. So… Multi-chapter fic to come! Sorry I've been lacking in content, it's been a long month of college… ugh…_

 _Thanks for reading, reviewing, faving, and following! Please tell your friends about my content if you liked it, it may help me to find new ideas for prompts if they suggest anything! Also, please review! Anything, and I mean_ _ **anything**_ _, helps me out! And please ask for whatever you want here; I won't judge! Thanks again!_

 _Rated M for FUTURE YAOI STUFF! I don't own Hetalia or Gilbert or Matthew!_

 **PruCan – Revisiting**

"Wait… Explain it to me again?" Matthew drummed his fingertips on the rim of his mug, steaming from the coffee within. Gilbert sat across from him, an excited look on his face that contrasted with the confused and somewhat worried look that the blonde wore.

"If you would like to, I'd want to take you to visit my former home." Matthew's face paled a bit, nothing that the other man would take notice of. "It's sandwiched between Germany's borders and Poland's borders, so… It wouldn't be wrong… It's a neutral territory, so…" It was almost as if the younger was trying to convince him, not like it wasn't a little necessary. Gilbert reached over and lightly touched the hands that were tight around the mug now… "It's only if you'd want to. I would never force you to do anything…"

"No, I know…" He was just… Nervous. Apprehensive. Hell; if he wasn't just plain scared! From what he'd all heard from that place… He… The blonde met he calm ruby eyes and shrugged a tiny amount. "I'm just a bit nervous of it is all… You sprung it on me so quickly that it just startled me… I've heard a lot of things…" Then he shut up as he noticed that he'd probably said the wrong things…

Gilbert sighed heavily, as if he'd been telling a rule repeatedly to a child who just didn't understand… The albino took both of his hands in his own. "You know that I've changed, right?" Matthew nodded, regretting those words. "I'm not who I used to be, and it'll be hard for me too to go back and face that place too, don't get me wrong… But I mostly just want to revisit it so I can get the orders to fix it up, so that we aren't cooped up here all the time- not that your house is bad by any standards…" He was rambling, but the blonde caught every single word. Gil softly squeezed his hands and Matthew just sighed heavily, resting his head on the cool wooden surface of the table. "Should I have waited…?"

He shook his head no, and lifted his head from the table. "It's alright… I'm just surprised that you'd want to go back… after all that happened, y'know? Wouldn't it be triggering?" The younger man closed his eyes, his grip getting a little stronger.

"I have no doubt that it would be." His voice was soft, smooth, but a mask to what he was hiding… "I… I want you with me so that…" The blonde's amethyst eyed widened and he lifted a hand out of his grip to touch his cheek. "You get it, right…?" He was choked up…

` "Yeah…" Gil looked back up, quickly blinking away the glittering tears that clung to his white lashes. "I'll go with you. I'll help you through it, okay?" The white-haired man smiled a bit and leaned over the table, meeting his mouth softly. Matthew kissed back, feeling the other's mouth work against his own a bit more before pulling away.

"So, next week?"

"Perfect…"


	2. Chapter 2

_Longer chapter two~ Enjoy~!_

 _Thanks for reading, reviewing, faving, and following! Please tell your friends about my content if you liked it, it may help me to find new ideas for prompts if they suggest anything! Also, please review! Anything, and I mean_ _ **anything**_ _, helps me out! And please ask for whatever you want here; I won't judge! Thanks again!_

 _Rated M for PANIC ATTACKS AND STUFF. I don't own Hetalia, Gilbert, or Matthew!_

 **PruCan – Revisiting – Chapter Two**

"Is it always so cold…?" Matthew sneezed and drew the fur-lined hood of his jacket closer to his face. Gilbert only laughed a little and gave their taxi driver a heavy tip for driving them out here. "I know it's more northern, but even my being Canadian can't stop me from this cold…" He tried to lighten the mood a little by the poor joke, but he couldn't completely cut through the tension he felt when the younger took his thickly-gloved hand.

Before them was a broken, crumbling road with a heavy-looking, rusting metal gate with the German words ' _Betreten verboten_!' in peeling, chipped white paint. The gate itself was around eight feet tall, and the fence connected to it stretched as far as the eye could see, blocking off the area effectively. However, a few of the bars were rusted through, and with a gentle push could probably be broken to allow them through. The well-maintained road that they had driven on to come here stretched out in both directions behind them. A dense forest kept everything hidden on all sides, the road the only thing clearing it a little, not to mention the wispy fog that had begun to crawl in as night began to fall. The snow was hard and packed, shining with a thin layer of ice over the earth.

" 'Do not enter…' " Gilbert's voice was soft, almost wistful. "Well, we'll be ignoring that, won't we?" He strode through the icy snow, pushed on a pair of bars that were very rusts, breaking them apart, and then squeezed between the gate's bars. Matthew handed him their bags by pushing them through the bars before going through them himself. He staggered on a broken piece of the bars, shouting out in surprise, and the younger caught him before he'd hit the snow. His shout had seemed deafeningly loud... "C'mon…" Now he seemed somber, heaviness to that word that the elder didn't recognize on him well.

It seemed like forever until the road became choppier and Mattie's ankles hurt from how many times he had jarred himself in a pothole. "We're almost there," Gil said once again, partially reassuring, partially like a mantra he was repeating to himself. "C'mon."

Around another clump of trees was the building itself. Both men stopped to gaze up at it. Matthew's eyes drifted from small dark window to window, the concrete and brick monolith fenced in with razor-sharp barbwire and several ' _Achtung_!' signs. " 'Danger,' " Gilbert said, walking up to the heavily-chained gate and unlocking several of the heavy padlocks with a few keys he had on a ring he produced from his pocket with ungloved hands. "There we go…" He hefted the gate through the frozen ground, the scrape of the metal on the ice and snow too loud in this silent place. The albino then remained somewhat frozen as well, unmoving, seemingly not even breathing…

"Gil?" The blonde walked over, extending a hand to touch his shoulder. The younger just silently turned toward the building, hefted his bags in his hands, and strode off, a bit faster than he would normally. The violet-eyed man caught up to him as he was fumbling with the keys, his hands shaking and not from the cold on his exposed skin. "Gil… Gil, stop…" He clapped a hand on his own and heard the tiniest of gasps. "We don't have to do this… We can always go back, you know…"

"…" Matthew hesitantly touched his shoulder and kept a firm gaze on him, not allowing any detail to be missed. His crimson eyes were downcast, his hair covering them up a little, but not the fear that shone clearly. "I'm…" he began, his voice thick and hoarse, as if he'd been crying. "I'm just afraid of what you'll see in there…"

"Nothing will change a thing about what I know of you now, Gilbert… It may scare me, shock me, but it won't change me…"

After a very long moment of silence, the younger man exhaled deeply, then proceeded with unshaking hands to unlock the heavy metal doors. "Well… I'll show you to my quarters first then… We'll skip all the parts that…"

"I know. Let's just go in, drop off our stuff, get our bearings of the place, and then get the electricity and water and heat back on, alright?" A task would be sure to divert both of their thoughts and keep them better off in the long run. Mattie went in first, glad he'd packed a high-powered flashlight in his bag for just the purpose of getting around in an almost certainly broken-down building. The air was polluted with dust, the tiny flecks obscuring everything so much that his light didn't do much good. "Where to?"

Gilbert pointed at one of the two metal staircases, both in opposite corners. They ascended, their footsteps sounding hollow in the vast chambers of the abandoned building. "They took all the bigger pieces of technology and weaponry when I was… no longer a nation," the albino began. "Most of the place is empty save for most of my quarters and the heating and electrical systems and what they didn't think was... So, at least there's a bed and stuff…" He seemed more monotone, speaking quickly.

He unlocked a door on the third floor, the top floor as well, and the air was much less dusty here. The dull ruddy light from the sunset shone through a few thinner patches of grime that had crusted on the window, and the rubbery cement floors weren't that disgusting… The bed was certainly an improvement compared to a lot of other beds that Matthew had seen in military complexes like this one seemed to emulate; bigger, thicker, and with nicer bedsheets. This room was more spacious and had a wardrobe and closet too. Another door led to a private bathroom and toilet.

"How about I get all the utilities running while you clean and unpack…?" Gilbert was now at the door, looking over his shoulder. "I remember the layout, and it's just on the first floor."

"Are you sure? I could help with that, you know…" The blonde hoped the younger wouldn't notice the obvious nervousness in his voice. "Just in case something would go wrong…" The white-haired man smiled ever so slightly and then walked over, touching his mouth to his forehead and bringing him into an embrace. "Gil…? You okay…?"

He nodded. "I'm just happy that you said you'd help me… There's no way I would've been able to even get through the front door… if not for you…" Mattie's eyes flicked to the Iron Cross that was exposed through his unzipped jacket… "Thanks…"

"No problem… Just hurry back, okay?" Gilbert seemed a lot calmer now. He was still out of it, but definitely calmer than he was before… He nodded again and then withdrew a little to meet his mouth, tasting of what this place smelled like; mustiness and rust in the dead of winter… But there was a warmth to it that had Mattie smiling softly once he pulled away and left the room.

With the albino now gone, Matthew went to work shaking out the sheets and wiping clean the cabinets and wardrobe with cleaning solution and rags he'd brought with. There was an advantage to cleaning the bathroom without water yet, making the porcelain shine like new. In about twenty minutes, he heard a deep rumble from below, and then a hum, and then the flicker of lights outside the room and then inside this one. He squinted in the light, then smiled as the floor below him began to heat up, as well as the radiator near the bed. At least that was back now. As he scrubbed at the window, he heard the distinct sound of the water filling up the toilet once again, and then five minutes later the echo of footsteps up the staircase again.

"We're all good now." Gilbert was a bit pink-faced, a bit sweaty, but looking more normal again. His eyes widened as he took in the more or less pristine room. "At least you were brilliant and decided to bring some smaller cleaning supplies…" Matthew shrugged and then set the last of their clothes into the dresser. "This looks… almost like it used to…"

"Is that a bad thing?" Mattie became acutely aware of the other getting distant, curling in on himself. Not again… "Are you…?"

"I'm alright…" The blonde nodded and sighed softly as he sat on the now mostly-clean bed, patting a place next to him. The albino walked over, his boots squeaking near-silently on the floor before he settled himself heavily into the bed. The violet-eyed man smiled when he felt the other lean against him, moving his arm so that he could rest his head on his leg if he wanted. He did so, the elder blonde's hand going for his dusty hair from the utility rooms. "Thank you…"

"Of course…" Matthew allowed himself to relax and softly smiled. Sure, this place needed a lot of work, but most of the work itself would be inside of Gilbert. And he wasn't going to pass up being there every step of the way for him.


	3. Chapter 3

_First of all – PANIC ATTACK in this chapter. If you don't like, don't read. Secondly – I may end this story tomorrow depending on my time and stuff. I'm think another two or maybe three chapters to finish it all off will do the trick! Also, I do a lot of research on my German or any language skills, but I may have messed up once in a while. If I do, please don't hesitate to correct me!_

 _Thanks for reading, reviewing, faving, and following! Please tell your friends about my content if you liked it, it may help me to find new ideas for prompts if they suggest anything! Also, please review! Anything, and I mean_ _ **anything**_ _, helps me out! And please ask for whatever you want here; I won't judge! Thanks again!_

 _Rated M for PANIC ATTACKS AND STUFF. I don't own Hetalia, Gilbert, or Matthew!_

 **PruCan – Revisited – Chapter Three**

The next morning, Matthew woke to an echoing yell of rapid German. One voice was distinctly Gilbert, the other two or three ones he'd never heard before. Not knowing the language, he automatically freaked out a little and grabbed a pair of pants before leaning over the railing of the landing of the stairs to look down.

The albino was seemingly arguing with three men, dressed a bit worse for wear, armed with machines that looked to be maintenance-related. A few words that Matthew picked out meant 'pay', 'please', and 'no'. "What's going on?"

All four looked up at him and only Gil smiled. "I'm negotiating with some people to help clean this place up, mostly repair in the basement and scrubbing up the first floor." Mattie looked a bit confused, and then sighed. "What? You didn't think I'd be able to gather a few hard-working men that want decent pay to do all the heavy lifting for us?" He seemed far too chipper, but the blonde attributed that to him just staying busy and on-task. He then turned back to the men and began speaking easier now, more slowly. The younger man then pulled out a wad of cash from his inner jacket pocket and handed it to them. The men looked at the wad and then back at him. The one in the center looked at the two on either side of him, both of whom nodded, and then shook Gil's hand with a genuine smile.

The albino smiled and then nodded. " _Danke shion, Herren."_ He then walked back upstairs to the third floor and gave the elder a triumphant smirk. "This is the sort of thing that you miss when you sleep until noon, silly." Matthew jumped and then checked his watch with a groan. "Was the jet lag that bad?"

"You're awfully happy today," he retorted with a soft smile. "And yes, I am still recovering." He was… Proud that Gil was able to organize this sort of thing… It must've took a while of calling and being turned down and everything to even get these men, two of whom were now on the first floor scrubbing with giant brushes and the third probably in the basement. And to even get the nerve to let other people into this place and not fearing it… Better to change the subject so he wasn't dwelling on that. "What was that cash for?"

"An upfront payment. I have them a third of what I'll pay them in the end for their help. They should be done with their work by the end of today… By the way…" He looked to the door to their quarters. "I bought some stuff for breakfast. Or lunch. Or whatever you'd want to call it. Go and eat." The taller man nudged his side and he reluctantly went into the room, seeing a plastic grocery bag with some prepackaged sandwiches and some puddings resting atop the dresser. Common German snack fare as Gilbert had explained several times before, having bought them online and subsequently being questioned about them. A case of water bottles as well as apfelschorle, which was a bubbly apple juice type of drink, were next to the bed. Matthew ate two of the sandwiches and a pudding, and then drank about three of the bottles of apfelschorle.

"Why did you get bottled water? Is the water here bad or something?" Gilbert looked up from his phone, probably looking up more people he could hire to come out here and work to fix up the place, and nodded. "We can't drink it?" He nodded again. "Showers?"

"It's fine for that. But I'd recommend not taking one now, since, if you would like to, would you help me scrub out the windows?" The blonde took a last sip of the drink and nodded right away. "You really don't mind helping me with this? Making it livable and getting rid of-?"

" _Herr!_ " was a shout from downstairs, and both of the men jumped. Gilbert stood and leaned over the railing as Matthew had before, his eyes widening and his neck tensing. " _Wass ist das, Herr?"_

" _Nein!"_ He could've jumped down the stairs, he was down there so quickly. The blonde looked over and saw the albino grab some moldering files from the man who was from the basement. He looked panicked, abrasive. He looked like he would punch someone. " _Verbrenne sie. Jetzt, bitte…"_ His voice was low and angry… The man, clearly startled and a little frightened, nodded quickly and recruited one of the other men from the main floor to help him with whatever Gilbert had asked him to do, his brush handle clattering on the polished floor.

"What…? What's going on…?" Matthew walked cautiously downstairs, the one man who was working up here seeming to keep to himself or not understanding English well enough to pay attention. "Gilbert. Tell me…"

"Files from the… the camps…" Gil sunk to his knees, which made a loud thud on the cement floor, his hands hiding his face. "I told them to burn them… All of them… I don't… I'm not… like that… I don't hurt innocents anymore… I'm not…!" He was getting more and more upset every moment, shaking but also still at the same time. He was broken, all due to things hidden away… "I was a monster to all those…"

"Gil. Stop." He quickly went around to face him, wrenching his hands away from his face and taking his head in his hands. "You are not a monster. You don't hurt people. You aren't your past…" Tears dripped to the freshly-gleaming floor, some from both men. "You're mine… You're a good person… You are innocent…" He would repeat these things, or stop, or leave, or whatever would help Gil at this vulnerable moment right now… He'd been coached through panic attacks like this by Francis and Alfred before, and he'd done this for the albino only once before… He wiped his own eyes and kept a level head. "Just breathe in, okay?"

The albino's eyes closed as he shakily inhaled, his hands lifting to touch the blonde's wrists to anchor himself. "Breathe out…" He did so, the muscles in his face relaxing and his shoulders dropping. "Again." This cycle continued for about ten minutes, each breath long and deep, and eventually the other was gazing at Matthew's mid-chest rather than the floor. "Tell me three good things about yourself so I know you're not in that mindset, okay?"

"… I didn't… hurt that man when… he showed me the files…" His eyes lifted to his collarbones. "I… I don't think I'm hurting you… Right?" Mattie shook his head no and smiled. "… I'm able to breathe… normally…" The violet-eyed man counted that one, even though the younger man was still shaking a tiny amount. "Is that all…?"

"Yeah…" Gil's eyes lifted to meet his own, and all he saw was pain and fatigue and regret… "Is there anything more I can do to help you…?" A hand lifted to his white hair, knowing that stroking his hair back was one of the easiest ways to get him to relax.

"… Can you just help me to get this place as clean as possible… so that I forget that this ever used to be a place of filth and death…?" His words were morbid, but his voice was normal. "So that when I need to… or when you want to come with me… we can just live here like normal people…?"

"Of course…" He nodded and then felt his shaking leave him, feeling his touch lighten… Gilbert stood and gestured to the fallen scrub brush after wiping away some of the residual tears. He asked a quick question to the working man in German, to which he nodded. Matthew smiled as he watched the albino pick up the tool and begin to work for this massive goal for himself… He knew what he wanted, and what he had to do to achieve it… This project wasn't just a cleanup of a place for him to stay if he wished, but a cleanup for his mind too…

"I guess I better get started on the top floor then…" he murmured, and went to work wiping grime and mold off the windows with a smile. Anything to help his beloved heal…


	4. Chapter 4

_This is a bit of a calmer, more fluff chapter to soften the blow of chapter three. So… Sorry if it's a bit out-of-place. Trust me, the next chapter will be intense. So i thought that this would be a good little bit of fun before it gets bad. Yup!_

 _Thanks for reading, reviewing, faving, and following! Please tell your friends about my content if you liked it, it may help me to find new ideas for prompts if they suggest anything! Also, please review! Anything, and I mean_ _ **anything**_ _, helps me out! And please ask for whatever you want here; I won't judge! Thanks again!_

 _Rated M for BEING NAKEY TOGETHER~~~ I don't own Hetalia, Gilbert, or Matthew._

 **PruCan – Revisiting – Chapter Four**

"Help me…" Matthew was so sore that he could barely move his arms without crying… The men had earned their work, as the floors were spotless and the water wasn't tasting like rust. "The shirt…" He and the younger needed a well-deserved soak in the pristine bathtub, both covered in layers of grime, dust, and cobwebs. Gil merely walked over and helped him to unbutton his dirtied shirt. He was a bit pink-faced by the end of it all, but he was more tired than anything. "Thanks…"

"You really should go relax…" The albino smiled and kissed his cheek. "Or would that not really help…? You strained just about every muscle you have to reach every corner of every window…"

"What are you getting at…?" He was tired and achy and… "I'm not in the mood to play games right now…" Gilbert softly touched his shoulder, making no effort to hurt him… "What are you doing…?" It felt nice… easing out the knots… "Gil…"

"I'm helping you, unless you really would rather soak for hours…" He kneaded a bit harder in a certain spot, making the elder jump a little. "Sorry…" He rolled his shoulders and sighed. "Did I hurt you much…?"

He shook his head no and then leaned into the crimson-eyed man's chest. "I think this is a great idea, actually…" He nuzzled into his shoulder and wrapped his arms around his back. "Please…" Matthew winced softly as the other's hands ran down his back, softly kneading and pressing at places that hurt a lot. He was… He was helping more than he was hurting, though. "Nnn…"

"Does this hurt too much?" His voice was soft, smooth, like water… His hands softly working, caressing in places just to end the bits of pain here and there. Mattie shook his head no and his touch grew stronger, but not so strong that it hurt him. "Now?" He shook his head no again. "Good…" A softer, warmer touch grew at his neck, making the blonde gasp softly. His lips whispered up his neck, to his ear… "Now…?"

"Stop teasing me… I'm exhausted and so are you…" He lifted his head and kissed his cheek. "You've helped me enough now… I'll take the bath…"

"Over me? How rude…?" His tone was playful, but subdued in a sense, most likely due to his own fatigue. "But fine… I'll wait for you to be done…" He snared his mouth in a quick kiss and then let him go. "Need help with those pants?"

Mattie shook his head no and then trotted into the bathroom, where the younger man had taken the liberty of buying some soap and other items. He had only a few aches when he stripped off the rest of his clothes and sinking into the clean, soapy water, giving an audible sigh. "Ah…" He could say here all night… He smiled and slipped off his glassed before he dunked his head into the water, scrubbing out his hair and feeling genuinely refreshed.

"You've been in there for a long time…" was the voice before the door opened a little. "You okay?" He slid under the mounds of bubbles to hide. "Not done yet?"

"No..." The door opened a bit more. "I said no, Gil…" He walked in anyway and the elder went red. "Gil!" The albino sat at the head of the tub, seeming to enjoy the mortified look on his face. "What the hell…?" This was just… Was he trying to forget things? Distract himself…?

He reached over and touched his bare shoulder, warm from the water. "I thought that both of us relaxing would be nice…" Matthew's mind sparked with all sorts of ideas as to what he meant… "Would it be okay for me to…?" He blushed but then took note of the size of the tub. "If water spills, I'll clean it up…"

Matthew swallowed his nervousness and nodded. He looked away as the sounds of fabric crumpling and a few bits of metal clinking against the floor. Then the water moved up his body and warm arms wrapped around his chest. "Is this better?"

"Much…" He leaned his head back and smiled, catching his eye. He seemed fine, a bit more playful than usual, but fine… "Gil…?" His eyes dropped to the edge of the tub, the water lapping at the lip…

The younger smiled and lightly caressed his sides, eliciting a soft gasp from him. Dammit he was being so… Weird… "Are you alright? Are you… I mean… Are you trying to distract me? Or yourself? Or… I mean…" He was fumbling over his words… The blonde just wanted to understand… His hands went limp at his chest. "I'm sorry…"

"No… You just know me too well… Why else do you think I drank so much…?" He sighed and brought the blonde into his chest as he leaned back. "I just… to forget… It was the easiest way out at the time…" He smiled softly. "And then I met you… And then I stopped drinking… And now we're here, cleaning up the past and me getting the therapy I need with it and you…" His voice dropped off and then returned with a soft tone. "I've never thanked you properly for helping me back there… Panic attacks are horrible…"

"I know… Mine suck…" He leaned into Gil, savoring the touch of his skin on his own… "But I'm just here to help and talk you through it… A lot of experience when I was having them… And now I helped others too…"

"You're more than just a coach… I love you…"

"I know that… And I love you too…" Mattie met the younger's mouth and smiled. "Promise me you won't distract yourself with stupid things… Other than me, of course…"

"I promise…"


	5. Chapter 5

_This is exactly how I wanted this piece to go, so… Enjoy the massive angst and pain here guys!_

 _Thanks for reading, reviewing, faving, and following! Please tell your friends about my content if you liked it, it may help me to find new ideas for prompts if they suggest anything! Also, please review! Anything, and I mean_ _ **anything**_ _, helps me out! And please ask for whatever you want here; I won't judge! Thanks again!_

 _Rated M for MASSIVE DARKNESS. I don't own Hetalia, Gilbert, or Matthew~!_

 **PruCan – Revisited – Chapter Five**

"We'll have to rewire some for a kitchen of this size, sir, but…" a smallish, dark-haired woman said in English, her accent thick and full. "It can be done. We'll have to drill some parts out, but it can be done." The woman smiled and handed Gilbert a print-out of the process as well as the bill. "We can start on it today, if you wish, and be done within a week."

They'd already bought furniture for the place, choosing to keep the old quarters the way they were because it wasn't worth changing much. Matthew liked the room, and Gilbert hadn't said anything about changing it… He'd already taken the liberty of buying new clothes for the both of them for the new place, seeming as they'd be staying either at one or the other at any given time.

"That would be great, ma'am," Gilbert replied after looking at the papers. "When would the drilling begin?" She flipped through her notepad and thought for a moment.

"If I can get my men here, I would be able to start in a few hours at most. Maybe tomorrow at the latest." Gilbert nodded and they arranged for them to arrive in around three hours, which meant a bit more money, but the funds that the two men had as nations really didn't matter much when it came to spending… The money they'd spend was not so much as to affect their people.

Once the woman left, the albino smiled and happy-danced as much as he dared to on the slippery floors. "This is happening!" he laughed happily, the sound of his joy echoing on the floor and walls and ceiling. The sunlight poured into the room from the east, adding to the tone of the setting by washing everything it rich golds and browns. His smile was… Dazzling…

A few hours later, the men arrived with their big tools and the strength of a bull. They were required to stay on the premises, which wasn't a problem for the most part.

And then the drilling began…

It was all Matthew could do to try to soothe a shattered Gilbert by keeping a blanket tucked around him and his hand going numb from being squeezed so tightly with a pair of white-knuckled hands. His other hand was in his hair, just trying to calm him down by stroking it back methodically. He had made the door as soundproof as possible by shoving the mattress against it, then he'd approached the panicked, frightened… terrified man who was hunkered down in the corner, snow-white and shaking uncontrollably. Talking only worked for a few minutes… He'd asked before he did a thing, including taking every step closer to him.

And now… The blonde was convinced that this was due to the camps, or destruction in general. Warfare? He couldn't say that it didn't trigger him too, but his mind was so concerned with trying to keep the younger man sane that it wasn't an issue. To him… To Matthew, it sounded like machine gun fire… The echoes of the sounds like ricocheted bullets, or maybe their casings… Maybe that was what he was going through…?

"A firing squad…" Gilbert squeaked out, his grip getting even tighter. "I… I oversaw… So much…"

"Shh… You don't need to explain…" His throat hurt from having been silent for so long, almost sticking to itself… "You'll be okay…"

"It's… all my… fault…" His words were accented by a shudder and his hand gripping the material of his pants so tightly that Mattie feared that they would tear entirely. "I… I killed… so many…" Gilbert's words now came between quick, shallow breaths. He was hyperventilating now. His world was collapsing in around him…

"No, it's not… It's not your fault… You're not a killer…" He tried his best not to cry. To stay strong and… The real and the metaphorical walls surrounding them were breaking now… "Gil… Breathe…" He felt the man inhale a bit deeper than he was before, and then exhale. "Don't think, just focus on my words… Try to focus on my hand now… Try to breathe and relax, okay?" In a few more breaths he felt blood return to his fingertips, and his pants were no longer in jeopardy… "What are you thinking about right now?"

"… Your voice… And ignoring everything else…" he said, his voice shaken and jittery. "I need you… to help… Please…"

"Okay… Okay… Just breathe and focus on the good things now… That I'm here and you're warm and safe... That your brother-" He felt the man shudder and curl into himself, his tenseness returning and fear sinking its claw deep into both of them once more. The younger's breathing grew more ragged… "Gil… Breathe again. Don't think. Breathe."

It took the better part of an hour to get him back to that level of calm he'd been at before he'd been stupid and mentioned Ludwig… "Tell me something good right now, please…" The blonde needed to know…

"…" He was silent for a moment, but then lifted himself from his place in the corner and touched his cheek. "You're not dead…" His lips twitched and then he collapsed onto his chest, sobbing hysterically. "I didn't ruin you… I break everything I touch… And I didn't break you…" He gripped his shirt tightly enough that it would definitely need to be replaced… "And I… You're here… Right now…"

The drilling stopped abruptly after that last word and there was a visible change in Gil's demeanor. He automatically relaxed and exhaled deeply. "Matthew…?" He was no longer shaking, no longer saying horrible things…

"Yeah…?" He never used his full name like that… Gil lifted his head, looking at him with red, puffy eyes from crying. "What is it?"

"You're… You're too kind to someone like me…"

"Why the specifics…? I'm just normally kind… Especially with people I care about more than others…" He wiped away the tear tracks on the younger man's face with his thumb and smiled softly. "Don't you know that…?" Gil nodded and rested his white-haired head on his shoulder, gripping him tightly to his chest. "Good…"

"I don't want to hurt you… I don't want to hurt anyone… That's my greatest fear…"

"You'll be okay now... I'm here… I'll always be here…"

"Why not just… leave me…? Aren't you afraid that I'll hurt you…?"

"… I know you won't hurt me. You're not a hurtful person at all…"

"… Thank you…" He relaxed fully now and his grip changed to slide down his back. "Thank you…" Matthew pushed him away a bit to look at his eyes, which were still irritated and puffy, but had a soft light to them now… "I wish… I wish I could make these attacks stop… I wish I didn't have this trauma… I wish…"

"You'll be okay, even when you have these attacks…" He pushed Gil's hair out of his eyes and kissed the tip of his nose. "You're just perfect even though this happens… I love you even though we both deal with these…"

Gilbert lifted his chin and kissed his mouth. "Same here…"


	6. Chapter 6

_Last chapter, sorry guys! I wanted to tie up things as quickly as possible, so sorry if things seem very rushed and odd._

 _Thanks for reading, reviewing, faving, and following! Please tell your friends about my content if you liked it, it may help me to find new ideas for prompts if they suggest anything! Also, please review! Anything, and I mean_ _ **anything**_ _, helps me out! And please ask for whatever you want here; I won't judge! Thanks again!_

 _Rated M for PREVIOUS CHAPTERS PLUS A LITTLE BIT OF MENTIONS AND KISSING. I don't own Hetalia, Gilbert, or Matthew._

 **PruCan – Revisiting – Chapter Six**

"You got it?" Matthew called over to the younger man, who was holding the bottom end of the sofa as they brought it inside. Both were flocked by a few movers and various boxes. It was around three weeks later, and this was the last of the things to be moved in. Gilbert nodded in response and pushed the last bit of the piece inside. "Where to?"

"Behind you. Across from the chairs." They carried the relatively heavy sofa to the middle part of the first floor. The setup down here was cozy, a giant rug with a simple pattern in gold and reds and browns warming up the place from the bottom up. The furniture was in pale yellows, browns, and coppers, and the kitchen on the back wall was stainless steel with copper accents. Near to the back was a rougher-looking wooden table that Mathew had found online, but the dark, orangey-toned wood stain tied things together nicely.

The second floor was more or less a formal dining room and an office of sorts, the space open and inviting with the same tones carried through. They'd had custom-built shelving span two of the massive walls, crammed with books that took a day and a half to organize. There were a few bigger, more comfortable chairs in the space, making it seem more like a library than an office.

The third was cut up choppier due to that, according to Gilbert, they had been dormitories in the older days. Therefore, these were set up to be a few storage rooms, a guest room, and their own bedroom. There was a more formal office as well, set up with the computer and Wi-Fi router Matthew needed to work when he was staying here.

"And with that…" The blonde tossed a pillow onto the couch and sighed as he flopped over the armrest, his legs dangling over the edge. "We are _finally_ done." He looked to Gilbert, whose back was turned as he was handling the payments. The light streaming into the room from the west was… It was just like the coppery colors throughout the place.

The noise that the tires made over the snow and ice became softer and softer, then the thud of the heavy door closing and the soft sigh that the younger let out as he turned around with a smile. "Finally…" He walked over, his footsteps silent on the floor, and sat down next to him, wrapping an arm around the elder man and drawing him into his side. "This place… It's not metal machines and shouting and metal-shuttered windows… It's sunlight… and quiet… and calm…"

Matthew looked at him, but saw only joy and contentment… "You're fine staying here, right?"

He met his eyes softly and Gilbert bent down to meet his lips, murmuring his next words before deepening his kiss. "You're worrying too much… I'm alright so long as I think of it as it is now and I don't think of it like it used to be." He smiled a bit, his eyes wistful. "I'm fine, Mattie… This place is beautiful, and I'm happy here now… I'm happy here with you…" He sighed softly and leaned his head back into the couch cushion. "Sure, things still sink in and I have the attacks, but I can trust you to help me and if you get them… I'll help you too…"

"Thank you…" Matthew touched his shoulder, bringing himself a little closer, and smiled as he kissed his cheek. He was so proud of him… Gil had grown a lot tougher to this. Sure, things would still trigger him and things would be bad sometimes, but things… Thing would be a lot better from now on. He then stood and ruffled his white hair before walking around to the kitchen.

This was going to be a sunlight-filled life from now on…


End file.
